


Hot cop Hale

by Stilienski



Series: Sterek ficlets [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: You Have Been Warned, abuse of innuendos and puns, deputy!Derek, drunk!Stiles, horrible innuendos and puns, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:24:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4435373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stilienski/pseuds/Stilienski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is drunk so Deputy Hale has to do his duty... which sadly doesn't involve doing Stiles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot cop Hale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lonaargh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonaargh/gifts).



> Thanks [Lonaargh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonaargh/pseuds/Lonaargh) for the prompt ("You have the right to remain silent, I wish you'd exercise it.") And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
> 
> Thanks [JungleJelly](http://archiveofourown.org/users/JungleJelly) for being an amazingly helpful beta!!

It was just his luck that he didn’t only have the night shift but was also stuck on patrolling the most quiet neighborhood. He didn’t mind coming in for a night shift, usually, but he wasn’t making himself useful here at all. Nothing would ever happen in this neighborhood. He wasn’t helping anyone by driving around here. Yes, it was a holiday so patrols were needed, but not here, what could possibly happen here?

“ _It was the fourth of July! You and I were you and I were fire, fire firewooooorks that went off too soooooon_ ,” The kid was singing loud enough that he could hear it from his moving car. Also, he was a kid, sixteen, maybe seventeen; definitely not old enough to be drinking.

He stopped the car a couple of feet away from the boy who was now trying to dance with a tree that stood on the side of the road. It was funny and kind of cute. Probably the kid’s first time getting a drop of alcohol; he felt a little bad that it was his job to ruin the boy’s night. Telling himself he was doing it for the little delinquent’s own safety, he got out of his car.

“Hey, there, everything all right?” It took the teenager a while to let go of the tree and turn around to face Derek.

“Everything all right? Oh yes, certainly, dear officer of the law. Everything is peachy. Except that I have no one to dance with, this guy is not moving around much. But, he’s also not stepping on my toes… so I’ve got that going for me.” He followed it up with a snort and a giggle.

“Peachy huh? So you can walk over to me in a straight line?”

“Straight?” The boy let out a laugh that bordered on crazy sounding. “Oh, sweetie, I don’t do straight. But Lord knows I’d do you.” Derek let out a sigh, he couldn’t be older than seventeen, he must know that this was never going to happen.

“Can I see your ID please?” The kid tried walking over to him but it ended up being more of a stumble. When he finally reached Derek he laid a hand on his shoulder and winked.

“I bet you’re going to love my ID. I have the most wonderful ID, the best idea out of all ideas: you, me in the back of that patrol car. Oh and officer, if you’d be so kind as to bring your handcuffs.” This must be the first time someone he was about to bring into the station had actually stepped into his car voluntarily. Derek couldn’t really charge him with anything, underage drinking couldn’t be proven without seeing his ID. But the guy was clearly drunk and Derek couldn’t leave him here to find his own way home. He’d go back to the station and see what to do with him there. That was the right thing to do, _right_?

“Okay, buckle up back there.” Derek said as he took his place in the driver’s seat.

“What? No! You’re supposed to be here, backseat. The idea was you, me in the _back_ of the patrol car.” He huffed and got out of the car again when he noticed Derek was not going to move anytime soon. “Fine, we can try in the front, but don’t say I didn’t warn you about the gear stick. The name is Stiles by the way.” The kid had only just plopped down in the passenger seat when he reached over to Derek’s collar and started undoing buttons.

“Woah there! Get off of me!”

“I know, I know, I’m sad to see the uniform go too.” Derek got more and more flustered when Stiles didn’t stop trying to get his shirt off. Because with all the tongue-flicks over those gorgeous plump lips, it was getting harder and harder to fight Stiles off instead of pull him closer.

“Okay, that’s it.” The deputy forcefully grabbed Stiles’ wrists in one hand while he got his handcuffs off of his belt with the other.

“Oh yes, now we’re talking. Don’t worry about putting them on a little bit too tight, deputy.” _Was that guy ever going to stop smirking?_ Somehow Derek was able to put Stiles back in the backseat and get his seatbelt on.

“Why are you driving?” In his rearview mirror, Derek saw that the whine was accompanied by a ridiculously ~~cute~~   exaggerated pout. “I don’t want you to drive the car… next time we go somewhere, let’s say to dinner and a movie, I’ll just ride you, no need for a vehicle that produces so many fumes! We’ll just be helping the planet.”

“Will you just shut up?” Derek was never going to admit to anyone that the ramblings of a drunk teenager were actually kind of turning him on.

“Make me. You already cuffed me, don’t you have a gag?” _oh for fuck’s sake._ The horrible innuendos weren’t the worst part, the worst part was that if he wasn’t on duty and this Stiles guy wasn’t a 16 year old, he would have already pulled over and joined him in the backseat.

**_*****_ **

After a long, long, _long_ ride to the station Derek opened the backseat door and helped a cuffed Stiles out of the vehicle. He guided him into the building and sat him down on a chair next to his desk.

“I would have at least expected you to bring me to a place with a bed, but I guess a desk works too.”

“You little sh-…” He took a deep breath to try to calm himself before he continued. “You know what, you have the right to remain silent, and god, I wish you’d exercise it.” If only to save Derek from doing something stupid, someone stupid.

“Exercise? I bet you do that a lot, don’t you? Actually what gym do you go to? I’m thinking of buying a membership card because I can definitely see myself work up a sweat while watching you. Also, I’m not under arrest, so no need to read me my rights, I can think of some better ways to put your mouth to use. Oh, hey dad.” _Hey what now?_ The sheriff walked in and gave Stiles a little wave.

“What are you doing here, son? I thought you were at a party tonight?” Son? Dad? Derek had a feeling this was going to get awkward very quickly… awkward for no one but him.

“I was, then this lovely gentleman came and brought me here for some reason…”

“Stiles, are you drunk?” The sheriff looked exasperated, like this happened often. It’s not like he looked angry or fed up, just a teeny tiny bit annoyed. His underage son was drunk, how was he not angry at that?

“Drunk? Pssssh, just a little tipsy maybe. Or at least till Hot Cop Hale here put these cuffs on me, now I’m drunk on _love_.”

“Hale, care to enlighten me as to why you put handcuffs on my son?”

“Because he wouldn’t keep his hands off of me! I thought he was lost or something, he’s clearly been drinking a little bit too much and I was going to bring him here to get to know where he lived.”

“I’m not a kid, okay? I can find my own way home. I guess you just really wanted to give me a ride huh? Ugh… I’m running out of puns already. Would you just ask me out? I’d want you to throw me over this desk right now and give it to me, but my dad is standing right there so that would be awkward.” A gag would have been very welcome by now.

“Sir… I swear I did nothing to encourage this or-“

“Don’t. Whatever happens between the two of you I do not want to know about it. Just a fair warning, Hale, he’s just as bad when he’s sober.” _Did the sheriff just give him permission to hook up with his underag- no… he’d never…. So…._

“How old are you?” As Stilinski left – left Derek alone with his very cute son – some things began to finally dawn on Derek.

“How old do you want me to be?” _how was that even supposed to be flirting?_ Derek glared at the guy who was still cuffed in his chair. “Geez… those eyebrows are scary, dude. Hot but scary. I’m 24, which makes me 3 years younger than you, which makes you and me very match-able.”

“How did you know-?”

“Your age? I know your full name too, I know your records, I know how much you scored on your finals at the academy and I know when I have to pretend to be drunk and on which spot to wait for you because I probably know your work schedule better than you do. You’re hot deputy Hale and I have tried to get your attention ever since my dad hired you. It clearly didn’t work because you didn’t even know he was my dad, but hey, can’t blame a guy for trying, right? Now you’re either going to uncuff me and let me go, or uncuff me and go on some vanilla date with me, or we can keep the cuffs on and jump right into the kinky stuff.”

_Dating the sheriff’s son, fucking the sheriff’s son…. No way that was going to end well for him._ _Also, what the fuck was the kid doing, going around and snooping through files on everyone he’s interested in? The sheriff should probably be doing something about that, because that is totally not_ cool. With a sigh Derek opened the cuffs and went back to his desk to organize some papers.

“Ha! You really think I’m giving you the choice to ditch me after I’ve spent months pining over you? The diner from around the block is open 24/7. You’re going to get me a milkshake, we’re going to talk and you’re going to fall madly in love with me. I know this, because after years and years and plenty of alcohol, I finally got Danny to admit that I am indeed very attractive to gay guys. So there’s that, and then I have my very loveable quirky personality going for me. Come on big guy, the milkshakes are waiting.” _You know what kid-_ Derek had had about enough of the overly confident wooing method Stiles was using.

“But I’m not gay.” A grin grew on Derek’s lips as he saw Stiles’ mouth fall open in shock. He knew this was the first time tonight he had been able to surprise the guy. “I’m bi and you’re paying.”

“Oh my god. You asked me out with a dad joke? Really?”

“Oh I am so not the one who asked you out, creepy stalker.” They were going to have a serious talk about snooping through files. Derek may be able to put up with the horrible puns, but no way was he going to get Stiles’ ass out of jail if he got caught reading confidential government information.

“I prefer the term thorough researcher, thank you very much.”

The milkshakes turned out to be one of the very few vanilla things in their relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
